RORT Global Warming Christmas

RORT Global Warming Christmas

(A word of explanation - RORT is Rec.Outdoors.RV-Travel - a usenet group that deals with RV's and, lately, politics)

Twas the night before Christmas and all throughout RORT
Nothing was stirring, no-one had a thought.
The spammers were snoring, tucked up in their beds,
And loquacious ol' Linus was taking his meds...

Tories and Liberals had ceased their debating,
And for once, even Lon wasn't hating.
And Ferguson, Carl, and crusty Al Balmer,
Had mellowed out and were considerably calmer.

Ol' Gar had retired for the night, under his bridge
And Ginger had thawed out the food in her fridge.
Bob Giddings was off researching his genes
And Will Sill was dreaming 'bout washing machines.

Hugh, Jan, and Dusty were getting along
And Lampson was greeting the season in song.
Max was a sawing, and Hunter was too
And Janet dropped in for a natter or two...

When out on the Web there arose such a clatter,
That the Hamster logged in to see what was the matter.
A new YouTube clip had appeared, so it seemed,
The contents of which you could never have dreamed.

The scene opened up (after loading the file)
And I watched as the action unfolded in style.
When to my wonder, of all things ersatz
I saw a huge sleigh, drawn by six overfed cats

With a silver haired driver, his hand on the tiller,
I knew in a moment it had to be Miller.
Faster than light, his felines they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now Dozer! now, Jade! now, Pearl and big Bubba!
On, Rumble! On, Tank! Let's burn some more rubber!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to a mansion with lights bright as suns,
They rose into the air like a goose with the runs.

And there on the back a-plopping himself
Was a scowling bill horne, attired as an elf
I grinned as I thought to myself, "What the heck
Some folk will do anything just for a check..."

He was dressed in green silk, and looked quite disjointed,
His hat was aluminum tin-foil and pointed.
A forty-four magnum stuck out of his clothes
And he looked awful cute in his form fitting hose.

As I looked closer, I saw two more elves
(Who were doing their best not to laugh at themselves)
One had a cane and walked a bit stiff
And I wondered if that one could have been Cliff?

The other was bigger, not exactly a waif,
And perhaps his green tights were beginning to chafe
For he couldn't stay still on the back of that sled
And he squirmed in his outfit of greenish and red

He carried beside him a contraption of sorts,
It was buzzing and whirring, made of tin, wire, and quartz.
He pushed a small knob, and it lit up like a flame
And I knew in a flash, Neon John was his name.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
As they blew up the lights being used by this jerk.
Al Gore's house was in darkness and Kevin arose,
Saying, "We can't afford carbon credits like those..."

He sprang to his sleigh, to his cats gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere they faded from sight,
"Hasta la vista, Al baby... we turned out the light."